even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize