Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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