He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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