that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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