DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
