so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
