Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Your shirt... Was in my pants
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
