We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
