just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
