Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize