i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We left an ass print on the piano.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
