What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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