xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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