exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
