bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
jump out the window naked night went bad
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
