That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
