Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize