we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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