You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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