my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
