You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
