the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
