Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I will be naked everywhere
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
