I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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