Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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