yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize