I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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