this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
