I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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