He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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