it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
