i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
and you fell through a lawn chair
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize