Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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