I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
