it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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