he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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