I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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