Whod you bang
Will you blow on my dice?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
