I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
