I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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