i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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