you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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