I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Randomize
