you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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