Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
