She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
