he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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