my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize