What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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