My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
