So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
