is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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