About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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