i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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