Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize