New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
