i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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