dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
