My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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