You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize