I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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