im six kinds of drunk right now
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
