i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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