I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
