U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
