he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
