i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
