I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
