it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
only you would photoshop your dick
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
