Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I love having hate sex.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Everclear isn't food dammit
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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