That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
