I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
