don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
