420 ftw
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
