Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
