Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
