my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
