I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
porn star boner night. come get it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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