I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
