Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't deserve a penis
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
