I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
