i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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