Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
