will power is for people who don't want to get laid
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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