Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
