I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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