My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
