She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
