Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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