Your dad touched me again.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Randomize
