I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
