Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
