you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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