Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
