Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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