you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
