omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
