1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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