home. puking in laundry basket.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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