Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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