you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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