did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
