Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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