I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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