Where is the hickey?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
